Here’s a cure for the economic crisis.  Turn off the TV news.  I’m serious.  Then don’t bother to read the front or business pages of your newspaper, if you are one of the few people who still actually reads one.  Ignore the “HEADLINES” at your favorite home-page, and just skip to sports, or entertainment, or go Blog something.  Keep up on political issues other than this one.  And whenever possible look for stories that tell us why the government is more likely the problem and not the answer.  These are usually filled with things called ‘facts,’ ones that can be verified, and the tone tends to be less cataclysmic.  You may find yourself quite at ease, able to sleep at night, refreshed and able to take on new challenges.

No, it’s not perfect, but the 24/7 Newsertainment industry is such a complete waste of time—like a bunch of seagulls fighting over the last piece of bread—that getting away from the senseless noise they are making is usually all you need to get a handle on how un-cataclysmic this all really is.   They simply have no interest in your feeling safe or satisfied about anything.

Let’s look at unemployment.   Unemployment is still under 7% (6.5 in Nov, will go up in Dec and Jan, but probably not beyond 7%).  Every President since Truman has had figures at or above this level and a few much higher than that.  Despite that, we are still here, richer as a nation than at any time previous, (more or less) more technologically advanced, better health care, short lines, great bargains, good quality, and of course dentistry where you can have a perfect smile in just a few affordable and painless visits.  Most “poor” people have cars, houses, VCR’s and cell phones, all before the bailout came along and threatened to provide them.    And while 7% unemployment seems steep given recent trends in the fives, remember two things; that this number is never going to be zero.  There will always be people coming in and out of the workforce, who decide to stay out of it for perfectly good reasons.  Some people do not need to work.  Some just don’t.  And because of this we will never, nor should we ever be 100% employed.  Second, the media and politicians have no meaning if there isn’t a crisis, so no matter what happens, it has to be communicated in a –OMG IT’S THE END OF THE FRIGGIN WORLD UNLESS WE DO SOMETHING NOW!!! –kind of context, or they cannot validate their own pathetic existence.  You don’t really need them.  Read Chicken Little instead—just for some perspective.

While I have no concrete figures, based on anecdotal evidence,  4% appears to be the bottom for unemployment.  By that point most people who want to work are working.  And using simple math, which most politicians and reporters are incapable of on their own, but that my soap-dish can manage easily, unemployment -4 equals who is out of work and does not want to be.  So 6.5% really means that out of every 100 people, 2.5 of them need and or want a job which they do not currently have.  That does not mean there is no work, or they could not find or get work.  It means the work they are willing to do is not as available as they would like it to be.  This is not called unemployment.  It is called being willfully unemployable.  And sure, it’s not the case is every instance, but its prevalence skews the reality we are being forced to digest in this latest episode of “The end is here.”

Now in a weak economy we will see some people taking jobs with big pay-cuts, some working two or more jobs to make ends meet, but not nearly as many people as could.  I say this because until I open the paper and can’t find the help wanted section unemployment is not a jobs problem.  The last time I checked there were pages upon pages of job openings.  Entire sections of the newspaper are devoted to displaying an endless array of openings.  So quit your whining and grab a paper hat, because I’d do that before asking you to work so my government could take your earnings to give them to me.  I know—how do I look for a better job if I’m always working.  Here’s some tissue, people do it every day—grow up.

Anyway, if you aretoo stuck up to work—one of those liberals who thinks there are jobs Americans won’t do (which are actually just jobs liberals wont do)–maybe we can convince Secretary Paulson to earmark some of the 700 billion dollar TARP bailout to pre-buy one-way seats on every international flight headed to Paris.   Think of it as a form of advanced unemployment training.  You go to France, you sip whine (I mean wine) and collect your state welfare, and as the days roll past.  If you cut your finger on the cork-screw–or more likely on your razor sharp wit–you can call up and make an appointment for a free state paid-for doctor visit, sometime in the next 6 to 12 months.  If you don’t get gout, or die of boredom, good for you. 

So this better bailout will have several immediate impacts on our economy.   It will cost less.  Unemployment will go down because your jobless ass is no longer state-side, and all that extra air travel could drive job growth in the airline industry.  But most importantly, there will be fewer people here complaining about how bad things are–which will immediately improve overall confidence and actually make things better all around.  They won’t just sound better, they’ll be better.

And if your’re worried about your 401K, George Miller’s got that covered.  The check will be in the mail.