Thousands of persons claiming to be terrorists or somehow connected to international terror networks, are approaching US servicemen and women abroad, and allowing themselves to be arrested as enemy combatants. 

“Many of these new potential terrorists represent a much broader range of profiles than what we have seen in the past.  Because we can’t be sure, we have to detain them all until an assessment of their status can be made.” 

Once in custody, some of these ‘combatants’ have gone out of their way to be difficult, ensuring that they can continue to be detained by the US military, often resisting any efforts to be transferred to civilian facilities in their host countries.

 “It’s gotten to the point where regular citizens wearing camoflage are showing up at our door with people who will not leave them alone until they “arrest them” and take them to Guantanamo.  In some cases it is the only English they know.”

When asked why he got himself arrested, one man had this to say.

 “Why live here when I can receive three nutritious meals a day, clean clothes, and a warm bed in a clean pest free room, safe from the chaos and uncertainty of my current life?   The US government provides me with exercise equipment, access to reading material, Television, hot showers, I can even pursue my education for free, all while I wait months, perhaps years for my “fair” trial,” said Fredrick “Mohammad” Mc Guire, of Manchester, England.

Abu Shalih Omar Habib Hussein turned himself in near an undisclosed combat area in Afghanistan, after approaching US forces and threatening to blow himself up with what later turned out to be several loaves of moldy bread strapped to his chest.  He commented at length through an interpreter from his detention area.

“We love Obama democrats. Democrats feel guilty so the “free” in freedom now means lots of handouts.  So Thanks to Justice Kennedy, and the others, we have legal rights and the United States is now the world’s largest on-the-house Hilton Hotel.  Many many people can improve life simply by being terrorists, turning themselves in, and waiting for due process to free them.  This is new meaning of Freedom in America.  Free housing, free food, free money, free education, free transportation, free everything.  And the risk for this freedom is much less than what many of us face at home.  Why make freedom here, when we democrats give it for free in America? 

“And once we are arrested the Democrats will ensure we have the best treatment available, and plenty of good food.  And after our trial they will make sure we have amnesty so we can have American citizenship without having to learn about your country or how to speak your language.  We can go to welfare, get free housing and food, we get to vote for more big government programs, free hospital stays, collect social security, and live well off the system, much better than at home even with freedom. I can get easy government grant, or pretend to be farmer and democrats will give me cash.

“They even let us go to university for free education-let us become professors maybe who can teach all white American children that they are evil bigots so we will make more guilty democrats to vote for our expensive government programs.  And if we cannot live fat enough off the entitlements, we can always claim you are all anti-religious, prejudice hate-mongers and get huge legal settlements with free government lawyers to help, or make it harder for you to speak out about our activities so that we can do as we please.  And when we are old, having milked your system and sent all your money overseas, if we have not already bred you out, or voted you out, or taken over your stupid country altogether, we can die killing some of you at the Wal-Mart and still receive our virgins in heaven.”

When Live Free or Dieasked for local comment, Jeanne Shaheen, the Democrat vying for Senator Sununu’s New Hampshire Senate seat had this to say.

“Education is the key to maintaining America’s competitive advantage in the world. I believe the federal government must become a full partner in public education by fully funding special education, and making new critical investments in early learning and lifelong learning. And, I will lead the fight to reduce college costs for middle-class families.”

There you have it.  Democrats.  Putting the “Free” back in Freedom.

[*This is of course satire but the best satire always has some unpleasant truths.]